Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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