I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
