am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
