I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
