i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
