I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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