I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
