I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize