Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
