tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
