she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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