I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize