apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
