Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
