1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
