this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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