Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
