she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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