We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
