hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
