is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
