If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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