we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
