i think my tv is drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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