My liver just broke up with me...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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