kristin has been a bad kristin
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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