it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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