brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
