I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he thought i was a dude.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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