just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
