Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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