new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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