i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
