Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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