Don't you send me to vm
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
