nut hugger
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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