Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
