You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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