I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
