she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
