hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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