I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
