I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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