Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
