Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
