dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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