remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
