I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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