i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
