we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize