Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
