using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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