Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
