I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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