There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
