the new term for farting is butt boxing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
