Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize