Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
