Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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