9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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