I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
