Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize