so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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