trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
