Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
