I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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