So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
