Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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