Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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