Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
should my penis look like a turkey
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
