i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize