Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
