i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
