i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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