In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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