he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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