dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A+ Viking dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
