Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
