Pants 0. Shit 1.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
