When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
