McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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