Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
