I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
