Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
